Day 1: Putin invades Ukraine
This is an unfathomably dark moment that I personally didn’t think would come. I thought that Putin was bluffing, enjoying basking in the world’s full attention. But it has come, contrary to common sense, to international laws, to sovereign borders. There is no human being on this planet who is not affected by this declaration of war on Ukraine. It signifies a major swing of the pendulum back to an ideology that we thought we had largely outgrown after World War II. An ideology which employs war as a tool to redraw borders of sovereign states for imperialistic gain. This turn will have major repercussions for us as a planet, as human beings, for our economies and economic priorities, for our security and safety and for our children’s futures.
I am an impassioned believer in the progress of the human spirit. For me, the purpose of life is the evolution of human consciousness. However, what I have been learning in the last decade is something that I have heard Elif Shafak argue often: that evolution is not a given. The flip side of evolution is regression and this retraction seems to be where humanity is right now. This realisation generates a painful and disempowering feeling. A feeling of ominous uncertainty, of seeing in slow motion the real danger of a car in which I am a passenger crashing, and not being able to stop it. The experience you endure in a dream where you are desperately trying to scream but your body refuses to utter a sound.
Is this historic moment the step back before we take two steps forward? Or the three steps back to our two steps forward, that will plunge us into free fall from the abyss of polarisation? Personally, all I feel I can do right now is donate, pray for Ukrainians, for humanity, and hug my loved ones just that little bit tighter.
Day 4: Putin places Russia on nuclear deterrent alert
As Putin places Russia on nuclear deterrent alert, my 15-year old reminisces about the “simpler days” when carefree, he watched football cup finals with his grandfather and the family. I detect nostalgia in his young eyes. How heartbreaking to see it so soon. He reflects on the distinctly surreal undertone of the situation, comparing his polar opposite outlook of half a week ago to the one he holds now. “My life or death scenario a few days ago was my GSCE results”, he jokes. “I was talking with my friends about FIFA, homework and school stuff. Now I am worried about a third world nuclear war.”
We come out of the cinema, having watched “Uncharted”. The movie title poignantly summarises where we are in our lives at the moment: in uncharted territory - weighing up yet another dictator’s level of sanity and wondering whether he will press the button which would wipe out our wounded civilisation.
We both feel the profound discomfort of such a marked lack of control. The only thing I can do is laugh bleakly which feels strangely sensible. My son starts fantasising about saving the world, a noble and sensible reaction in its own right. Eventually he inevitably turns to me for some answers to this uniquely burdensome situation. Unlike other times, when I have always found words of consolation when my son has felt stressed or overwhelmed, this time I have none. I stop myself from uttering vacuous statements such as “everything will be all right” for fear of jeopardising the trust that binds us.
When rational thinking and sense fail in an existential situation, the only place to turn is towards faith. And so this is what I do. I talk with my boy about faith: how important it is to have it right now. Faith in the power of love. In love’s ability to conquer all. Faith in humanity finding unity and solidarity against what appears to be a power-hungry, growing, isolated and distorted evil. Faith which manifests in trust. Trust that the pendulum will eventually swing back to take us forward. Trust that we can learn the lessons we brushed under the carpet, which are now resurfacing and demanding our full attention. Trust that the lessons we are relearning will expand our consciousness, will help us to evolve, to love better, to be better.
